Sunday, August 01, 2004

Legicenter (From the Sportscaster's Perspective)

Legicenter Transcript

Announcer: Now, live from Briesk is Legicenter with Danielle Patricia.

Patricia: Hi, I’m Danielle Patricia and joining me today is Jack Kone. Now to our top story today. Adam Graham was the Speaker of Morovia’s Assembly during its golden age, the PRP has had less opposition than the Yankees did for highest salary in baseball, and now they’re getting used to each other.

Patricia: First up, were a series of rule changes, in the first rule change.

Video of Hon. Rob. McMonigal: “Think this is a good idea, and we should move quickly to finish deliberation and take it to a vote.”

Patricia (voice-over): Gat it! Graham appears to have gotten passage of his first change.

Patricia: Then there was another rule change and nuthin’s happened.

(Cut to Graham sitting in the Chair waiting for response to rule change.)

Patricia (voice-over): No soup for you.

Patricia: Then there was a third change and Rob McMonigal objected with Graham making some amendments to his proposal, but no response so far from McMonigal leaving this rule in doubt.

Patricia (voice-over of Graham sitting in the Chamber again.): Just play the game, plumber boy.

Patricia: But on the fourth rule change, Graham got some good word.

(Cut to McMonigal on the Royal Assembly Floor)

McMonigal: I think this Amendment to the Standing Orders makes sense and we should move quickly to adopt it.

Patricia: And Graham is the Master of his domain. Over to you, Jack.

Kone: It was a simple voter registration bill, but it became much more. Graham introduced the bill and then Prosecutor General Michael Fors took to the floor to say this:

(Cut to Fors)

Fors: In my opinion the text "unless incarcerated" in point 1. of this bill is in conflict with Article 13 of the People's Constitution. The Constitution states that the people has an "inalienable right" to elect their representatives, it also states that universal suffrage is "guaranteed". My opinion is that the constitution does not allow exclusion of any group of people from voting.

Kone (voice-over): With authority.

Kone: Graham believed he was in error.

(Cut to Graham speaking on the floor)

Graham: While the US constitution guarantees the right to bear arms, felons are not allowed to carry or own weapons in most cases. When incarcerated, a convicted criminal loses most of his Civil Rights, and that's the case with common law. I would ask whether the Honorable Prosecutor General would consider this such an exception.

Kone (voice-over): He's in denial!

Kone: Graham then changed the bill, and proposed a Constitutional Amendment allowing courts to revoke voting rights as punishment for a crime, mainly to stop people convicted of treason from voting. People’s Representative Steve Foong said law revoked citizenship in cases of treason, so Graham appealed to Fors.

(Cut to Fors Speaking on the Floor)

Fors: If the Assembly feels that there should be some way of suspending the citizenship of convicts, then that should, in my opinion, be included in the constitution.

Kone (voice-over): Boo-yah!

Kone: Fors then went on to say he thought the best way was to write a Constitutional Amendment allowing suspension of citizenship instead of Graham, amendment which allows suspension of voting rights. Graham came back that they needed to do something.

“I would ask if any member of the Assembly has a better proposal that they offer it as an Amendment in the form of substitute by this Monday evening. If that is not enough time and any Gentleman believes more time is required, I'll be more than happy to join them in voting to defer the legislation for an additional week to allow the drafting of substitute.

”If this is not workable, and there's not a substantive actual alternative that can be presented, then I would urge the Assembly to move expeditiously to protect Morovia's future.”

Kone (voice-over): Straight buttah!

Kone: Still the Amendment faces an uncertain future. Graham faces tough opposition on this one, politics fans, meanwhile things weren’t looking so good for his Voter Registration, act because Rob McMonigal had a problem.

(Cut to McMonigal)

McMonigal: “I respectfully fail to see the need for this legislation. There is no harm in sending all citizens, past and present, a ballot, and this list merely creates extra work on the Minister of Home Affairs, whose valuable time can be better spent.”

Kone (voice-over): Got more flavor than Kool-Aid and cocoa.

Graham told him why and McMonigal appealed to the all-knowing Minister of Home Affairs.

(Cut to Graham)

Graham: “I would move unanimous consent to do so and if there's no objection within 24 hours, the Assembly would be able to entertain the Minister's opinion. “

Kone (voice-over): Tryin’ to be a playa but Michael Fors

(Cut to Fors)

Fors: I would like to point out for the Hon. Gentleman Article 33 of the constitution:

(Flash across the Screen)
Article 33 - Ministerial Presence

The Peoples Representative and other Members of the Cabinet may, at any time, appear in the Assembly for the purpose of speaking on bills, regardless of whether they are members of the Assembly or not. They must appear when their presence is required in order to give answers or explanations.

I think that members of the Cabinet may appear at any time in this House. The text at any time is pretty strong. I interpret this article to say that CM:s may appear in the Assembly at any time they coose, and must if so requested by a member of the Assembly.

Kone (voice-over): But Fors was being a playa’ hata’.

Kone: So the one, the only Bill Bekkenhuis spoke as to how easy it would be to administer the elections this way:

(Cut to Bekkenhuis)

Bekkenhuis: If the question is, "would HM Minister of Home Affairs find keeping separate track of registered voters and of the citizenry as a whole?", I would say that there should be no big problem so long as the mechanism for registration was simple enough.

Basically, all one would do is have to take a) those who voted in the last election, b) those who registered to vote and add both lists together, then subtract any citizen who has lost his or her right to vote - if that is the direction the legislation proceeds.

(Cut to Graham)

Graham: The Speaker on behalf of the Assembly, thanks the Honorable Minister for his time.

Kone (voice): I am King of the legislative realm, order a feast in my honor with all the finest meats and cheeses.

Kone: This appears headed to passage as well.

Patricia: Also, quickly heading to passage is the Suspension of Parole Board Act, the only snag was when Graham included a provision suspending the Electoral Commission which was already suspended. Apparently he wanted to double duple suspend it.

Kone: Okay, now it’s time for our “Did You Know?” Did you know Adam Graham weighs more than Newt Gingrich?

Patricia: How do you know that?

Kone: I got sources.

Patricia: Oh, okay. Hope, we don’t get fired for revealing some weighty issues around her. I’m Danielle Patrica for Jack Kone, join us next time when we’ll recap all of the exciting legislative action on Legicenter.

Friday, July 23, 2004

Return of the Speaker: Oral Political Cartoon

Hi, I'm the Perspectives' Political Cartoonist, unfortunately, I can't draw, but I think of good ideas.

The theme of this weeks cartoon is "Return of the Speaker". It shows Bill Bekkenhuis handing the keys to the House of Law to Adam Graham with Graham dressed in a suit of armor and Bekkenhuis wearing a Regent's robe and the caption says at the bottom, "Lord of the Keyring: Return of the Speaker". Yeah, that'd be a cool cartoon, if only I could draw.

--Nick Taylor, Staff "Cartoonist"

Graham Elected-Hey, That's a Nice Tree Over There (From the Hyperactive Perspective)

Sir Bishop Adam Graham (CP)was elected speaker of the Royal Assembly by unanimous consent. That means no one ran against him.

That means the story is BORING! I mean nobody cares if there wasn't a controversy.

Maybe, I could make something up. Once upon a time, there was a great big platinum dragon. Oh wait, I'm going to give you Kill the Monster people a HUGE headache aren't I> You don't like that. Why don't you kill a real dragon instead of picking on small bits of data?

I mean come on, anyway. Speaker Graham said they were going to conisider changing the rules. Oh great, I bet we'll all be glued to that.

Why don't they make the rules more fun. How about you choose the Speaker, by playing Duck, Duck, Goose. Yeah, the last speaker should have had Adam Graham chase him around until he caught him to be the Speaker, or they could do Survivor. That's so cool! I love Survivor, the people on there are so cute. I wish I could be on Survivor. I mean, wow, I could win a Million dollars, but I don't like eating bugs.

Speaker Graham called the Assembly to vote on the People's Represenative election of Steven Foong. I got a question about that. If he's the People's Represenative, we'll he represent me in Court? Or will he be my agent if I go off to Hollywood. If so, does he expect me to give him 20% of my income just for being elected. Agents will you rip off, but when you're in Hollywood you have so much money, you don't care. You're like Scrooge McDuck swimming through his big pile of money. Hey, which one of his nephews did you like more? I liked Louie, or was it Dewey? Anyway, they were cool. I wish my uncle had a Billion dollars, then I could borrow a couple bucks for an Ice Cream. I like vanilla ice cream, but I don't like Vanilla Ice for some reason.

Editor's Note: Please sum up.

Well, the Speaker says there'll be more business next week and I have a sense he means business just like the Donald. I want to be the Darlene someday. I mean, it'll be like there's thousands of Darlenes, but I am the Darlene. Um, well I guess that's it.

--Darlene McGuire

Wednesday, July 21, 2004

Illuminati Convenes in Briesk (Right-wing Conspiracy Nut Perspective)

(Briesk)-The Royal Assmebly of Morovia convened to plot the establishment of a one world government.

Speaker Bill Bekkenhuis, a noted Atheist, Trilateralist and Professional Kickboxer (it'll come together later) convened the Royal Assembly. He unexpectedly ended his reign as Speaker, because he wanted to do "other things". We know right off that no one ever wants to do "OTHER THINGS". The truth is that Bekkenhuis is under orders from International Karate Sports Commissioner Robert Mason. (Please note this picture is not of Mason, but I found it on his website and think it looks cool). 

Mason received his orders from HILLARY CLINTON. Why would HILLARY CLINTON care what Morovia does. She doesn't. But the Alien Central Command Synod headed by Carrot Top, Dennis Rodman, and Michael Jackson do.  They want him out of the Assembly so they can slay their opponent in his upcoming Kickboxing match in Las Vegas. The man he challenges is but a lad of 19, but will someday expose the lies of the Illumanti, but not if Bekkenhuis gets to him first.

Bekkenhuis knows he must train for his kickboxing match of doom for his goal is not just victory, but assassination of America's only hope (Note: We have still not found which boxer it is, but we WILL keep you posted).

Some may say that the efforts at ONE WORLD GOVERNMENT will be thwarted by the presence of "Conservatives" Adam Graham and Chris McQueeny. You might have hope if they WEREN'T part of the new Illumanati in the Church of Christ of Hanover.

Outwardly, the Church of Christ is about Christianity, but it is another tool of THE NEW WORLD ORDER. Consider, the following odd practices of the Church:

1) Just like the Aliens (both in this case and on Gene Roddenberry's Earth: Final Conflict and of the Top-Jackson-Rodman trifecto), they have a synod. COINCIDENCE? Maybe.

2) They call Bishops, "Your Grace" like the Television shows "GRACE Under Fire" or "Will and GRACE" both shows used by the Hollywood left to forward THE NEW WORLD ORDER.

3) Recently McQueeny referred to Graham as "FATHER GRAHAM". Do you know how young McQueeny is if Graham's his father, he couldn't be more than 6 year's old. But his vocabularly is much more advanced than the average six year old. Only with the powers of the "ALIEN SYNOD" could he have advanced so far.

Wake up Morovia, you must cure yourself of the spell of the NEW WORLD ORDER. Here's how you can do it:

1) Place a tin foil helmut on your head. This will stop the influences of the NEW WORLD ORDER.

2) Shout out loud the first names of the expected Speaker and People's Represenative backwards six times, "Mada, Evets".

3) Vote for no one in the election for anyone who runs for office is part of the NEW WORLD ORDER. Instead, send me 400 morovs for your very own NEW WORLD ORDER SURVIVAL kit at:

Steve Dagen
PO Box G85943

-Submitted by Steve Dagen

Capitalist Dogs Convene (From a Communist Perspective)

Briesk---In the belly of the Capitalist Whale, the Morovian Royal Assembly convened to continue their war on the proletariat.

The Assemblyperson Robert McMonigal (Capitalist Dog) renominated Steven Foong for the Post of People's Represenative, where he shall continue to serve the interest of the large corporations. Meanwhile, Sir Adam Graham (Fascist Pig) was nominated for Speaker. Both are expected to be elected by the conspiracy of Bourgeous interests that reign in Morovia.

Meanwhile His Majesty King Vincent III told the Assembly to work on retaining its citizens. Perhaps, if all industries were nationalized, then the hungry poor would rise up and vote and take part in the nation. Instead Christian Mosquitos drink the blood of the populace.

Perhaps, the Royal Assembly shall heed the advice of its king, nationalize all industries, abolish organized religion, grant everyone the right to a job, provide free health care and drugs to all so that Morovia can retain citizens. If not, then the Imperialist Serpents, shall continue to take a bite out fof Morovia.

-Comrade Dave Galloway