Friday, July 23, 2004

Return of the Speaker: Oral Political Cartoon

Hi, I'm the Perspectives' Political Cartoonist, unfortunately, I can't draw, but I think of good ideas.

The theme of this weeks cartoon is "Return of the Speaker". It shows Bill Bekkenhuis handing the keys to the House of Law to Adam Graham with Graham dressed in a suit of armor and Bekkenhuis wearing a Regent's robe and the caption says at the bottom, "Lord of the Keyring: Return of the Speaker". Yeah, that'd be a cool cartoon, if only I could draw.

--Nick Taylor, Staff "Cartoonist"

Graham Elected-Hey, That's a Nice Tree Over There (From the Hyperactive Perspective)

Sir Bishop Adam Graham (CP)was elected speaker of the Royal Assembly by unanimous consent. That means no one ran against him.

That means the story is BORING! I mean nobody cares if there wasn't a controversy.

Maybe, I could make something up. Once upon a time, there was a great big platinum dragon. Oh wait, I'm going to give you Kill the Monster people a HUGE headache aren't I> You don't like that. Why don't you kill a real dragon instead of picking on small bits of data?

I mean come on, anyway. Speaker Graham said they were going to conisider changing the rules. Oh great, I bet we'll all be glued to that.

Why don't they make the rules more fun. How about you choose the Speaker, by playing Duck, Duck, Goose. Yeah, the last speaker should have had Adam Graham chase him around until he caught him to be the Speaker, or they could do Survivor. That's so cool! I love Survivor, the people on there are so cute. I wish I could be on Survivor. I mean, wow, I could win a Million dollars, but I don't like eating bugs.

Speaker Graham called the Assembly to vote on the People's Represenative election of Steven Foong. I got a question about that. If he's the People's Represenative, we'll he represent me in Court? Or will he be my agent if I go off to Hollywood. If so, does he expect me to give him 20% of my income just for being elected. Agents will you rip off, but when you're in Hollywood you have so much money, you don't care. You're like Scrooge McDuck swimming through his big pile of money. Hey, which one of his nephews did you like more? I liked Louie, or was it Dewey? Anyway, they were cool. I wish my uncle had a Billion dollars, then I could borrow a couple bucks for an Ice Cream. I like vanilla ice cream, but I don't like Vanilla Ice for some reason.

Editor's Note: Please sum up.

Well, the Speaker says there'll be more business next week and I have a sense he means business just like the Donald. I want to be the Darlene someday. I mean, it'll be like there's thousands of Darlenes, but I am the Darlene. Um, well I guess that's it.

--Darlene McGuire

Wednesday, July 21, 2004

Illuminati Convenes in Briesk (Right-wing Conspiracy Nut Perspective)

(Briesk)-The Royal Assmebly of Morovia convened to plot the establishment of a one world government.

Speaker Bill Bekkenhuis, a noted Atheist, Trilateralist and Professional Kickboxer (it'll come together later) convened the Royal Assembly. He unexpectedly ended his reign as Speaker, because he wanted to do "other things". We know right off that no one ever wants to do "OTHER THINGS". The truth is that Bekkenhuis is under orders from International Karate Sports Commissioner Robert Mason. (Please note this picture is not of Mason, but I found it on his website and think it looks cool). 

Mason received his orders from HILLARY CLINTON. Why would HILLARY CLINTON care what Morovia does. She doesn't. But the Alien Central Command Synod headed by Carrot Top, Dennis Rodman, and Michael Jackson do.  They want him out of the Assembly so they can slay their opponent in his upcoming Kickboxing match in Las Vegas. The man he challenges is but a lad of 19, but will someday expose the lies of the Illumanti, but not if Bekkenhuis gets to him first.

Bekkenhuis knows he must train for his kickboxing match of doom for his goal is not just victory, but assassination of America's only hope (Note: We have still not found which boxer it is, but we WILL keep you posted).

Some may say that the efforts at ONE WORLD GOVERNMENT will be thwarted by the presence of "Conservatives" Adam Graham and Chris McQueeny. You might have hope if they WEREN'T part of the new Illumanati in the Church of Christ of Hanover.

Outwardly, the Church of Christ is about Christianity, but it is another tool of THE NEW WORLD ORDER. Consider, the following odd practices of the Church:

1) Just like the Aliens (both in this case and on Gene Roddenberry's Earth: Final Conflict and of the Top-Jackson-Rodman trifecto), they have a synod. COINCIDENCE? Maybe.

2) They call Bishops, "Your Grace" like the Television shows "GRACE Under Fire" or "Will and GRACE" both shows used by the Hollywood left to forward THE NEW WORLD ORDER.

3) Recently McQueeny referred to Graham as "FATHER GRAHAM". Do you know how young McQueeny is if Graham's his father, he couldn't be more than 6 year's old. But his vocabularly is much more advanced than the average six year old. Only with the powers of the "ALIEN SYNOD" could he have advanced so far.

Wake up Morovia, you must cure yourself of the spell of the NEW WORLD ORDER. Here's how you can do it:

1) Place a tin foil helmut on your head. This will stop the influences of the NEW WORLD ORDER.

2) Shout out loud the first names of the expected Speaker and People's Represenative backwards six times, "Mada, Evets".

3) Vote for no one in the election for anyone who runs for office is part of the NEW WORLD ORDER. Instead, send me 400 morovs for your very own NEW WORLD ORDER SURVIVAL kit at:

Steve Dagen
PO Box G85943

-Submitted by Steve Dagen

Capitalist Dogs Convene (From a Communist Perspective)

Briesk---In the belly of the Capitalist Whale, the Morovian Royal Assembly convened to continue their war on the proletariat.

The Assemblyperson Robert McMonigal (Capitalist Dog) renominated Steven Foong for the Post of People's Represenative, where he shall continue to serve the interest of the large corporations. Meanwhile, Sir Adam Graham (Fascist Pig) was nominated for Speaker. Both are expected to be elected by the conspiracy of Bourgeous interests that reign in Morovia.

Meanwhile His Majesty King Vincent III told the Assembly to work on retaining its citizens. Perhaps, if all industries were nationalized, then the hungry poor would rise up and vote and take part in the nation. Instead Christian Mosquitos drink the blood of the populace.

Perhaps, the Royal Assembly shall heed the advice of its king, nationalize all industries, abolish organized religion, grant everyone the right to a job, provide free health care and drugs to all so that Morovia can retain citizens. If not, then the Imperialist Serpents, shall continue to take a bite out fof Morovia.

-Comrade Dave Galloway